For those who are in the protein-chugging-eat-sleep-work-out-game pumping iron from the AM to the PM, props to you. I recently stepped up my gym routine to include lifting weights and I have not swore this much going down the stairs before. If you’re like me, lacking all sorts of muscle definition, I suspect you go through these same agonizing stages every time you step on that treadmill or bench press. Let the race to the perfect bikini body begin.
1. You’re feeling pumped!
You’ve got that cute gym outfit on with the matching sneakers to get that heart pumping like it’s never pumped before. Your earbuds are in already blasting the latest Rihanna song on your “ATTHEGYM” playlist. You strut pass the other gym members feeling proud of yourself for being a part of this active bunch of doers who want to get fit. Oh, look at that cute guy over there. Well done you.
2. The slow burn of lactic acid
You’re starting to feel the pain. You’re experiencing the burn in places you didn’t even know you had muscles. Now you remember why you haven’t been to the gym in ages. Your ugly faces are coming out and you’re trying hard to control it but it’s only been your second rep, carry on soldier.
3. Why is time moving SO SLOWLY
It’s felt like an eternity but it’s almost over so you look down to check how much longer you have left. You’ve been on this goddamn treadmill for only three minutes??? It feels like you’ve been doing this since sunrise. Is it just you being paranoid or is the stupid ticker moving slower than normal? There’s no way in hell you’ll be able to run for thirty minutes more. Even Sam Smith’s soothing voice isn’t going to save you now. Forget that stupid boy, let the nostril-flaring-heavy-breathing-dragon loose.
4. Near the finish
This is the stage you start talking to yourself. It’s ok, you can do this. Only a few more minutes and you’ll have finished what you came here to do. This is good for you, you can take a snapchat after and share with your friends how many kilometres you tore up. Keep going, just keep going.
HALLELUJAH, YOU’RE FINISHED! Who cares if your legs feel like rubber when you’ve got that post-gym workout flush and your body feels like pure rock solid muscle. You are a healthy, beautiful and smart human being who can conquer the world. There’s even a little hop in your step as you chug your water and delicately wipe the sweat from your brow as though you were filming a commercial. *gasp* You already look a little more toned as you gaze into the mirror. No one can touch this, you’re basically Beyoncé. #TeamYou.
Ready for another rep?